Relatives of mine

I had an aunt with a beard.
I had an uncle named Juice because he drank a lot of orange juice.
I had a grandmother with no finger nail.
I had a grandfather who spoke only Russian and liked to throw handkerchiefs and call them birds.
I had a mother who played high school basketball. She also used cigarette ashes as her secret ingredient in her cooking.
I had a father who taught me to use leaves when out of toilet paper. he also taught me to pee on  cigarette butts and split them apart.
I had an uncle who made my aunt fall wherever he saw broken sidewalk or floor or step near a store,       Then he would call the lawyer and sue the store.
The same uncle could take the grass or blood stains out of your clothes, he was a spotter at a dry cleaners.
I had an in-law who was named Willy the Horse, he died at the racetrack and was a mobster.
I have a nephew who stole bikes and hid them in my mom's basement.
I have a brother who cut his pinky off while doing arts and crafts.
I have a sister who hid a guy in my mom's basement for  6 months before anyone found out.
I have another sister who took my address book and  went off to Europe at age 15 and visited all my friends there.
I had an uncle who was an undefeated pro boxer, but quit because he had good teeth.
I had an aunt who was a great artist.
I had a cousin  Chonka, who I never met, all anyone knew of her , was she lived in Arizona.
I have several relatives in Argentina, that haven't been met.